Whip me, beat me, make me write bad movies.

                          April 19, 2002

                        NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

             They say that if you let a million monkeys
         type on a million typewriters for a million years,
           you'd eventually get the works of Shakespeare.

        We're not sure about that, but some of the screenplays
               we've read lately seem a little odd...

          The Top 9 Signs the Script Was Written by a Monkey 

 9. Unusually devoid of lice and stuck-on bits of food.

 8. It stars Steven Seagal, is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer,
    or its title is Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

 7. Amy Dolenz stars.

 6. Miramax optioned it for $1.5 million and a truckload
    of bananas.

 5. "Arnold surrenders, both hands in the air. But the henchmen
    fail to see the GUN he holds with his PREHENSILE TAIL..."

 4. Unlike most blockbusters, the action sequences require the
    use of opposable thumbs.

 3. The hero picks bugs out of his hair and eats them, but the
    movie doesn't star Tom Green.

 2. It's a buddy cop film with Marlee Matlin and Koko.

    and the Number 1 Sign the Script Was Written by a Monkey...

 1. Let's just say that Tarzan doesn't end up with Jane.

              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]

Selected from 27 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Beth Kujawski, Voice Talent      -- 1, 4, 9 (Hat trick! 12th #1)
Jeff Scherer, Art Director       -- 2, 5, 8 (Hat trick!)
Marko Peric, Civilian            -- 3
Wade Kwon, Civilian              -- 6
William C. Martell, Screenwriter -- 7, 8
Kenn McCracken, Comics Editor    -- 8
Kristian Idol, Writer/Director   -- Nobody's Monkey

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
[           Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use           ]
[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

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