May 2, 2002

               The Top 9 Signs a Film Is Going to Bomb

 9. "Barry Manilow IS Glitter 2"

 8. The good news: Two household Hollywood names above the title.
    The bad news: Those names are Blake and Simpson.

 7. Ebert and Roeper's review consists of seven minutes of
    projectile vomiting.

 6. Look out, Evil... here comes Schwarzenegger, Coleman and the
    Green Acres pig in... Arnold Cubed!

 5. Title contains the words "Osama" and "nude".

 4. "Moulin Rouge was such a hit, they're sure to love our avant
     garde, musical retelling of Schindler's List!"

 3. "If you liked Weekend at Bernie's 2 and Look Who's Talking 3,
     then you'll love..."

 2. The trailer features "I Got You" by James Brown. Performed by
    Smashmouth. Featuring solos by Gwen Stefani and the "Dude, 
    You're Getting a Dell" guy.

    and the Number 1 Sign a Film Is Going to Bomb...

 1. Winona keeps stealing every scene she's in. And the costumes.
    And the kleig lights...

              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]

Selected from 19 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL         -- 1, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Jeremy Horowitz, Skokie, IL               -- 2
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA               -- 2, 4
Kim Moser, New York, NY                   -- 2, 5
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH             -- 3
Marko Peric, Prince Edward Island, Canada -- 8
Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA       -- 9
Eric F. Lipton, Chicago, IL               -- Script Doctor

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

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