All stunts performed by mood-altered idiots. Do not attempt.

                         October 15, 2004

                        NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

            Yes, Johnny Knoxville may finally achieve
             superstardom with a role in the upcoming
             Dukes of Hazzard, but we knew him waaaay
                      back in MTV's Jackass...

                The Top 9 Things We'd See If Johnny
              Knoxville Ran the Presidential Debates

 9. Renamed "The 2004 Presidential Candidate Buttock Wrestle"

 8. Winner would be the person who produced the biggest flame
    from lighting his own gas.

 7. Guy in Saddam mask kicks the candidates in the balls after
    every rebuttal.

 6. Moderator is Wee Man the midget; 30-second warning given
    with air horns.

 5. Questions may only be answered in belch-speak.

 4. 12-volt batteries inside podiums hard-wired to candidates'

 3. Nader crashes the debate, covered in Cheeze Whiz and
    ravenous rats.

 2. Candidates have 2 minutes to give themselves as many
    papercuts as possible.

               and the Number 1 Thing We'd See If
         Johnny Knoxville Ran the Presidential Debates...

 1. Same as any other debate, except it's held in a crocodile
    pit wearing raw meat diapers.

              [   Copyright 2004 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]


                             BIG HITS

                 Naked Pictures of Famous People
                          by Jon Stewart

                        America (The Book):
             A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
                   by The Staff of The Daily Show

Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
William C. Martell, Studio City, CA -- 1, 5, 9 (Three pic deal!)
John English, Orem, UT              -- 2
Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA         -- 3
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA           -- 4, 7
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA       -- 4
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA    -- 6
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO       -- 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA          -- Registered and Decided

[      Copyright 2004 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
[           Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use           ]
[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

This archive is maintained by Kristian Idol at  www.13idol.com
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