The long, plodding dance number of humor lists...

                         March 21, 2002

                         NOTE FROM ERIC:

            Last year, in honor of the Academy Awards,
             we presented the 1st Annual Alternative 
          Universe Oscars, which in our humble opinions 
            was much more interesting, if only for the 
             copious Dude, Where's My Car? references.

                 This year, we present its sequel,
                       now 100% Dude-free...

              The Top 9 Highlights of the 2nd Annual 
                    Alternative Universe Oscars

 9. Upon receiving his Best Supporting Actor trophy, Sir Ian
    McKellen immediately embarks on a quest to throw it into the
    fires of Mount Doom.

 8. An angry Haley Joel Osment roughs up Russell Crowe.

 7. "We move on now to a level of acting that is so professional,
    so refined, and so skilled that it commands the highest
    respect of any award here on our program. Here are the
    nominees for Best Performance in a Collect-Call Ad..."

 6. Dame Judi Dench shocks everyone with her sheer,
    nipple-revealing gown.

 5. Richard Simmons takes home an Oscar for his gritty role as
    rogue L.A.P.D. Narcotics detective Alonzo Harris.

 4. Godzilla wanted to thank the Academy for his long-awaited
    award, but accidentally crushed them instead.

 3. Due to recessionary cut-backs, Oscar was replaced by a
    half-empty Mrs. Butterworth bottle.

 2. After the show, the winners were ushered to a swank
    restaurant where they celebrated with an endless cup of
    coffee and their choice of either a Grand Slam Breakfast
    or a Moons Over My Hammy sandwich.

                 and the Number 1 Highlight of the
              2nd Annual Alternative Universe Oscars...

 1. Evil Hanks, Tom Hanks's goateed twin, holds all the
    nominees hostage until Bachelor Party receives its long-due

              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]

Selected from 43 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Ian Ravdin, Santa Monica, CA              -- 1, 3
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL         -- 2, 4
Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA             -- 3
Craig D. Barker, Livonia, MI              -- 5
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA               -- 6, 9
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ               -- 7
Marko Peric, Prince Edward Island, Canada -- 8
Eric F. Lipton, Chicago, IL               -- Script Doctor

[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
[           Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use           ]
[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

This archive is maintained by Kristian Idol at  www.13idol.com
Get a new Top 5 Movies list every Friday! Subscribe Page bomb

Buy movie scripts
15,000 movie and TV scripts!