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                           February 21, 2002

                            NOTE FROM ERIC:

          The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences 
            -- who produce the annual Academy Awards -- 
           is suing a company called Pipedream Products 
          for selling anatomically-correct Oscar statues.


      Top 9 Complaints of the Anatomically Correct Oscar Statue


 9. Hard to stay, *ahem*, upright during long musical numbers.

 8. Never crossed my mind that "anatomically correct" would
    include hemorrhoids.

 7. Sure, I'm anatomically correct, but the Emmy statue is
    still PG-13.

 6. John Ashcroft keeps showing up and covering me with drapery.

 5. Mrs. Butterworth cold and unreceptive.

 4. When Valenti orders me sent back for "additional cuts".

 3. Feeling guilty for making 30% more than the female Oscar for
    the same work.

 2. "For the thousandth time, yes, I've got a pair of brass ones."


                 and the Number 1 Complaint of the
                 Anatomically Correct Oscar Statue...


1. Life in Tom Hanks's display case is like one long, endless
   gay orgy.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]


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Selected from 67 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA     -- 1, 6, 8
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ         -- 2
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL   -- 3, 4
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL           -- 4, 7
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA    -- 5
Eric M. Wakeford, Niagara Falls, ON -- 5
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA         -- 6, 7
Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA       -- 6
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY          -- 9
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC      -- Script Doctor

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[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
[           Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use           ]
[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]
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