Warning: This list is a hard hat area.

                         December 16, 2005

                 The Top 9 Nativity Scene Rewrites

 9. Three Asian drag queens set out across the Vegas desert to
    find their missing she-boyfriends: Frank, Incense, and Mervyn.

 8. Three Wise Guys show up to collect protection money for the
    manger so no one hassles Joe, Mary and their new kid.

 7. Dude, Where's My Savior?

 6. Mary (played by Susan Lucci) kneels down beside the babe and
    confesses that the child is really the son of Joseph's evil
    twin, who everyone thought was dead!

 5. In a huge camel chase, Bruce Willis safely rushes everyone
    out of the manger seconds before it blows to pieces.

 4. Baby Jesus played by Dakota Fanning.

 3. And the Three Wise Guests brought with them bags of assorted
    food, each containing a French Bread Roll sticking out the

 2. Mary isn't pregnant -- that's a bomb strapped to her belly!

    and the Number 1 Nativity Scene Rewrite...

 1. The donkey's role is simplified to allow the casting of
    Johnny Knoxville.

              [   Copyright 2005 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]

Selected from 43 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week's list authors are:
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA             -- 1
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA         -- 2
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa -- 3
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS                -- 4
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA           -- 5
Judith Cotrill, Bronx, NY             -- 6
Kate Melnyk, Tewksbury, MA            -- 6
Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA             -- 7
Ryan Garcia, Austin, TX               -- 7, 9 
John English, Orem, UT                -- 8
Kristian "Kringle" Idol, Burbank, CA  -- List Ho *

* As this is the last new list of the year, I would like to
personally thank each one of my contributors for, well, actually
writing this list. Also for making me laugh, and even humbling me
with their talent.

And to our subscribers, for enduring all the Affleck/Cruise/
Hilton/Lohan/Carrot Top references to get to the wild, wacky,
creative jokes about... Pauly Shore.

Ho ho ho! Tell your friends!

                      Nativity Scene Rewrites
    RUNNERS UP list  --  Hey! There's More Presents Over Here!

Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Paris Hilton follow a fading
star to the faraway land of Has-Beenthlahem.
          (Donrae Moore, Sand Springs, OK)

With no room at the Marriot, Mary gives birth in the Superdome as
Hurricane Katrina passes through.
          (Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA)
          (Kate Melnyk, Tewksbury, MA)

Gifts from the Three Wise Men: an iPod Nano, a WiFi connection,
and a 4 megapixel digital camera.
          (Kate Melnyk, Tewksbury, MA)

In the hot new musical "Sent", a spiritual young couple
searches for a rent-controlled apartment in NYC.
          (Judith Cotrill, Bronx, NY)

[      Copyright 2005 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
[           Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use           ]
[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

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