More fun than a barrel of Adam Sandlers!

                           June 6, 2003

                        NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

              Last week we described movie plots as
                if they were on a police blotter.
                   This week, a different take...

             The Top 9 Movies Described by a Dumb Guy

 9. Terminator 2: Arnold's a Terminator, only he's a good
    Terminator, and the dude from The X-Files -- no, not him, the
    other one that Scully never hooked up with -- he's a bad
    Terminator and they're protecting John Connor, and Lisa
    Hamilton is like waaay cut. Then Arnie melts.

 8. Memento: So the bad guy in The Matrix gets killed by this
    Brad-Pitt-lookin' dude, but he's not really dead 'cause that
    doesn't happen until the end of the movie. Then the Pitt guy
    gets weird-ass tattoos telling him he needs to kill the guy
    he killed, and then the chick from The Matrix shows up and
    tricks him into doing what he did already. And then the movie

 7. Dumb and Dumber: A classic, thought-provoking thriller about
    two geniuses who overcome major obstacles to score with
    Lauren Holly.

 6. Carrie: This dumpy chick has, like, this weird mind power but
    she goes to the prom with the hottest guy in school but then
    some other kids dump pig's blood on her and she gets pissed
    and burns down the school by starin' really hard.

 5. Basic Instinct: That old guy who's nailing the hot chick from
    Zorro is a cop, and he's like, trying to catch that blonde from
    the AOL commercial (who I swear, dude, totally shows her
    beav!) because she's like, doing guys then stabbing them with
    an ice pick while they're getting it on.

 4. The Birds: These crows go crazy and kill Bob Newhart's wife.

 3. Citizen Kane: This kid gets like, a million dollars, then he
    runs a newspaper in the dark and buys an opera for this chick
    he's sleeping with. Then they throw all his stuff in the fire.

 2. Star Trek 2: So Captain Kirk pissed off this Khan guy a long
    time ago, and it's that tall dude from Fantasy Island, but
    he looks different cuz his hair is long and he's been wailin'
    on his pecs, man, and he wants to get this rocket that will
    grow plants anywhere you shoot it but Spock totally dies.

    and the Number 1 Movie Described by a Dumb Guy...

 1. Braveheart: Mad Max is this Irish dude who wears a skirt and
    he's all, "I hate the English! The English suck!" and the
    King of Englishland is all like "No, YOU suck! I'm going to
    take your land and your women and throw gay dudes out the
    window!" so Max is all like, "Freedom!" and paints his face
    blue and totally moons the English dudes! So they all fight
    and Mad Max is all like "Yahhh!" and the English are all like
    "Whoah! This dude is a bad ass, even if he does wear a skirt!"

              [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]

Selected from 44 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA -- 1, 5 (3rd #1)
Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN  -- 2, 6
Kris Johnson, Glendale, CA      -- 3
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS          -- 4
Craig Barker, Livonia, MI       -- 7
Kim Moser, New York, NY         -- 7
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH   -- 8
Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA    -- 9
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA      -- List Brainiac

[      Copyright 2003 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]

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